This really is a New Beginning for me! If you haven't noticed I haven't blogged in like 8 MONTHS! When I started Blogging I was somewhat of an Addict! I couldn't wait to Publish my next Post & read all of the fun comments!! I also Loved reading everyone else's blogs & learning about the great things that were happening in their lives! I spent way to much time reading blogs, commenting & posting on my own. But what I did have was a Journal!! Or we could say a Time line of all the fun things we had enjoyed in our lives but then slowly a Vicious thing started to happen.... I allowed myself to start comparing my life with those around me & I started asking myself the questions of "When is that going to happen for us"..."What is in store for us" And then sadly the "Why has it not happened for us??"
I forgot the reason why I started this blog and that was so I could remember the great times Mike & I have had together & all the little memories that I wanted to remember & be able to share with all of you. Well this year is going to be different. This really is my Journal (and that's mostly to the fact that I am HORRIBLE at keeping a journal) & this really needs to be about Me & my little family (Mylo included). I LOVE the great comments you have all left me in the past & sadly because I haven't posted in such a long time I am sure less of you will be looking at my blog &/or commenting but that is Ok. I hope that you won't mind if I am a little more personal & less filled w/ just "fun" pictures. Hopefully I will say something inspiring in one of my Tangents but most importantly I hope that I Grow this year!! Obviously I won't be growing in Height (sadly I have come to terms with my short self) but I hope to grow in my Relationships, the Gospel & Myself. I am declaring this year as my "Year of Hope!!!" Thanks to my Dad!!
Recently my dad & I had one of those talks that you hope to get to enjoy with your parents & those close to you every now and again. It was those kind of talks where laughter was heared & tears were shared. It had been a really long time since I had really "spoken" to my father & although he is a great Dad, I always find it easier to talk to my Mom but I'm glad we had this opportunity. Although we talked about alot of things one of the things that stuck w/ me the Most was to "Never Lose Hope!" (that was mostly due to my father making sure I wouldn't forget that) but he is Right! The second you Lose Hope you Gain Self Doubt & the Desire to Press Forward.
I think I should back up for a moment...I feel that this may be coming across as I am depressed or that I am not enjoying my life but those things are not True. I am very happy in my life & feel blessed each & everyday. There is just one big part of my life that I feel I am lacking in or wish I had more control of. This one thing has become like a black cloud over my head & at times makes my vision a bit blurry & unable to focus on the Good things in my life or unable to Truly enjoy the blessings in the lives of Others. That one thing is my Yearning & Desire to start our family (I told you this would get personal). I do feel that trials are important & if handled correctly they can truly strengthen you & make you better & so I really am trying to stay positive but each month that passes by, the harder it becomes but with my New Year of Hope!! I am going to try really hard to not let that happen. There are too many good things happening around us & too many things Mike & I have yet to experience together that I Hope this new Focus Can be a Good One & WILL be a Good One!! I just feel that documenting & talking about this will be somewhat like "my therapy". Don't worry my post aren't going to all be about this "one thing" or if I will even talk about it much, but I do hope that by you understanding the background to where all this is coming from that I can share more of myself with you :)
So I hope you are prepared for alot of sentences that start out with the words "I feel" & "I hope" because my hopes & feelings will be shared. I appreciate all of you & hope you can go on this journey with me :)
Love You All!!! Traci
5 months ago
11 comments:
Traci I love you and I loved reading this post. It really was truly inspiring. I love how your starting out this year with a new attitude and a new beginning. This is your year of hope. I look forward to your comming posts of feelings and insights. Holding things in and hiding things from others isn't always good, I think writing about your feelings is going to be a good type of "theropy" for you. You are amazing and deserve to have the best things in life! I love you! Happy New Year!!!!!
I'm glad you are back and I love your positive attitude. I'm glad you continue to have hope. I love Pres. Monson's quote "The future is as bright as your faith." It helps keep me hopeful for the good things in life.
So, it's curious you should post this as I was checking out LDS.org today and the following was posted: http://lds.org/pages/look-not-behind-thee?lang=eng. Check it out. Mostly I'm frightened because it sounds like your dad is all grown up and wise and I'm not sure I know him. Might be the High Council calling. I do love you and appreciate you posting this. You have a huge cheer section behind you of lots of people that love you and are rooting for only good things for you. Happy New Year!
Oh, Traci, how I love you. My eyes are 'watering' and I just got goosebumps. I am so proud of you for fighting to stay optimistic about your 'one thing.' It is not an easy thing to do. I have always loved all the babies in my life, but it took a while to love them without being sad and/or jealous of sisters/friends at the same time. I'm sure you'll agree that holidays are especially challenging. As a fellow blogaholic I am excited to keep up with your year of hope. I know you will make it a great one...and I will be in your corner cheering you on, come what may.
This is an awesome new years resolution and we hope the best for you! You are definitely a STRONG person and I look forward to following your blog again (since we never see you!) Wishing you the BEST for 2011!
I've missed reading your blog and am so happy to see you back! I love that you have a 'theme' for yourself for the year. I'm trying to think up a good one for myself. I think you'll be surprised at how blogging about the personal stuff will inspire and strengthen others, and in turn give yourself strength. I hope 2011 is the best year ever for you! You definitely deserve it!
Traci you are amazing and I did miss your blog and reading about your family (including Mylo ;). I am trying to have 2011 be the year of change too. To truly focus on what is most important and not dwell on the "Things would be better if". We can only do the best we can and leave the rest to the Lord. You know I am always here for you. We need to have a girls night or just a night out. Maybe we should go do something fun for Valentines Day as a group :)
Hang in there, Traci! You are amazing! Thanks for spreading HOPE, I need it, too. We send our love. And... we still have your microwave. I will be in the area tomorrow, will you be home about noonish?
I'm so glad to hear from you!!! I've totally missed hearing about you and Mike. I love your new years goal. You'll be an inspiration to all. You've always been a strength to me. Miss you!
Traci, I have been wondering where you were! ;) I have to say, we are ALOT alike! I to got caught up in the constant comparisons of others lives. I just want you to know that you are not alone! David and I worked on starting a family for over 4 years before we got our little guy....we have now been trying again for 2 years, complete with life changing fertility treatments, with no success! I know how hard it is to watch from the outside and wonder "why can't that me mine?" I live it too! There is nothing that anyone can say that can make you feel better about that need that seems unattainable! Believe me I have heard it all!! So, I am not trying to make you feel better, just letting you know that if you need to talk, I understand! So, hang in there sweet pea, and make the best of it right now.....its so much easier said then done, but you have a great attitude, and that is half the battle! :)
Welcome back! I'm so excited to hear all about your feelings and your hopings........
We're all praying for you guys and we know that it will ALL work out in the end. I say that because we all have trials that are black clouds lurking over us and everything DOES work out as long as we stay positive and facing the right direction, as you've said.
I surely adore you and HOPE that I'll be able to work with you in Primary for a LONG TIME. Sigh. Another black cloud that's lurking.......lets hope it all clears up and shines in the right place! :) Hugs
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