**For some reason this post isn't showing my enters so now it looks like one large paragraph**
Sorry I let two months pass by with out posting. It is crazy how fast time goes by & at the same time how Lazy I can be. Well, I do hope to get back on track & continue documenting my "Year of Hope" & although I still feel strong about staying Positive & Hopefull, I did have a moment where I let my old feelings come back. In January, Mike & I were ready to get more "Aggressive" in our treatments both physically & financially & even though we knew it was all in the hopes of getting us a 20% chance at pregnancy we felt really good. I started thinking of ways to decorate the nursery & what weekends we would go to St George & Logan to tell our families. In a way we started planning our future as a 'Family'. Well, to keep this story from going on & on, the treatments we did were not successful. I was, in a sense, Devastated that it didn't work. How could I feel soo good about it & then not have it happen?? How can the Dr's create the Perfect environment for Pregnancy & have it be unsuccessful?? All of these questions were being asked to myself & apart of me was Angry. Angry that we had to even discuss the "Are you ready to try again next month?". Well truth be told i wasn't ready...I was too busy being stuck in my Stubborn ways!! I was talking to my sweet Sister & she told me about a great article in that month's ensign. It discussed trials & ways people have overcome them. That got me to thinking & I decided it would be fun to have all of you share stories, quotes, thoughts, songs, etc. that seem to help lift you up when you are feeling a bit Down. I am in Primary now & although the kids say the sweetest things that tug at your heart strings, I miss the great lessons in RS. I always felt rejuvinated each Sunday. Now I know my focus is different & is more on the kids, I miss the inspiring words Sisters would share so I am using this blog as a chance to hear those things again. Let it all out!!! What is your little "Go to" when you feel not up to the Challenges of the day? Here are a couple that I actually heard recently that I loved... Last month at our Stake Women's Conference we had some Fantastic Speakers. One of those speakers was Bro Wilcox, although I forgot to write down his credentials I beleive he is a teacher at BYU & this guy was Amazing. Every line that came out of his mouth was Awe Inspiring, but I think this one struck me the Hardest..."Saying you can meet God Halfway, is like a Jockey saying "HE" is going to win the race & Forgeting that HE is riding a horse". Isn't that beautiful?? We don't do ANYTHING alone or without the help of our Heavenly Father. He is ALWAYS there!!!! Then just today we had a talk by one of the High Counselman (I can't remember his name but he is my favorite one to listen to), he said something like this (paraphrasing), "Many people Focus on the Trials of Tomorrow & the Failures of Yesterday, when they need to be focusing on being the Best they can be Today!" I really liked that. I know there were times in my life when I was stronger in certain areas than maybe I am today & then I say alot that tomorrow I will start dieting, or tomorrow I will make sure to read my Scriptures or Tomorrow.... (you get the point). When what is important is what I am doing Today :) I hope that you will share with me your thoughts, quotes, stories, etc that always seem to motivate or help you when you need it most.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
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6 comments:
I love you guys! After reading your blog, I read one of my BFF's blogs and she said "Let Go. Let God." That's how I've been living day to day. I always remind myself that it's God's will, not mine. Even though I feel I need to control every aspect of my life, it's nice to have faith and trust in God. I feel like there's so much pressure to be a certain way or have something everyone else has. When really all God wants us to do is serve, and be like him and his Son Jesus Christ. Forget about what the "world" says is supposed to happen. Ex.- All of my friends have built homes, and have all of this money and I feel like I'm so behind them and I get so frustrated that I'm not right there with them, but I have to realize that in due time we will have our home, and if not, then we'll live with my in-laws forever lol, I pray to God that I won't, but that may be the case. eek! Anyways, I love you guys so much and Dave and I pray every night for you guys to find the things that make you happy, and that you will be blessed with whatever you are in need of. Miss you guys! Hope to see you in about a month! :) :) :)
Trials are just no fun at all. I find myself being negative quite a bit lately where in truth, I have nothing major to complain about. I watch my friends who had to go through invetro (sp?) twice to get pregnant meanwhile she lost her job and they are trying to sell their house, and I'm down because I'm tired. Lame. Things that cheer me up: 1. a great book. I hit the library and grab my favorites that may be pointless or I may know word for word but make me happy (or tearful!). Then I usually take a long bath while reading! 2. A new cd. I make a new spin cd whenever I feel blah and fill it with songs that I'm almost embarrassed that I love! Then, I play it loudly in my car and belt out all the words and then feel guilty when Sevy can sing along also! 3. GNO. Whether they are friends or family, going out to eat or to a movie with a group of girls always brightens my day! 4. Random vacation. We hit up San Antonio (3 hours away), or even just Galveston (1 hour away) when I need a real boost. In Utah, you have great escapes! Sundance, Moab, the city with all the sites from the original "Footloose", etc. OR, do what my sisters did and come visit me! We'll go to the beach and then do some "retail therapy"! Love ya girl!
I just have to tell you that I love reading your blog. You are great with words and expressing your thoughts so eloquently. I haven't been able to really get to know you other than through your words but I think you are amazing and Mike is one lucky guy (happy belated birthday by the way, can't remember if I told you that before or not so I thought I would throw that in real quick). Wish you guys all the happiness and that your year of hope is a successful one.
Are you guys still down in Utah county?
Hang in there!!! I know...you are saying.."Really? Another person tells me to 'Hang in there' and I am going to shoot someone!" Yeah...been there! But, I PROMISE that life will somehow work itself out! I can't tell you why, but oh the lessons I have learned in letting the lord handle things! He always swoops in there and shocks you when you least expect it! I am living proof that miracles happen, and that Heavenly Father picks the time and means of those miracles! Its hard to let that sink in...its hard to not have control over something that you have been naturally ingrained with. There is a time and a season!!! So....Hang in there! Hugs to you!!
So speaking of Ensign articles, you really need to read this months article "Faith and Infertility". You are not alone and you are not your diagnosis. You are awesome and I'm so proud of you and Mike.
I also loved Bro. Wilcox's talk at women's conference...and one of the things that hit me most and hardest was when he said that we are so used to calling ourselves "HUMAN BEINGS" and instead we should recognize that we are "HUMAN DOINGS."
One of the things that I do when I start to feel overwhelmed or down and out or frustrated, is I start moving. I start DOING things. I bake, I go for a walk, I make phone calls to get things moving in the direction I want them to go, I change anything and everything I can so that things will be more in favor of that which DOESNT make me frustrated or angry or overwhelmed.
I'm proud of you guys for working so hard for your goals. Keep at em. We all want you to have a baby, too....don't give up!
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